I started a new job in early May. And every waking moment of brainpower has been dedicated to learning the past, present and people that make my new company what it is. But I finally started reading again about two weeks ago (Ann Patchett’s State of Wonder, please read it) and that always reminds me how much I miss writing so here I am. It’s time to wrap up these wedding tips for my bride friends out there still agonizing over which shade of blush the roses should be. Let’s get straight into it…
Don’t depend on photographs.* But let me first say that our photographer was nothing short of a genie-in-a-lamp-level miracle worker. There’s not a single photo I can think of that she didn’t get. Still, the photos will never do the night justice - and that’s how it should be. If your focus is on what’s captured in a photo - it won’t be on what’s happening right in front of you. The power of photos is what they remind you of, the feelings they conjure - and if they just remind you of yelling at your photographer or mom to get the perfect shot of you and your spouse kissing - those photos won’t remind you of the magic of kissing your spouse on your wedding night.
*That being said, for the love of YouTube, get someone to record the speeches. Even if it’s just a cousin with an iPhone. My brother’s speech could have gone viral and I will never forgive myself for not having a copy of it. After the most brilliantly funny and heartfelt roast of my husband, he ended it with, “I give you permission to breed aggressively.” (“Whoa, everyone calm down, I didn’t say ‘aggressively breed’ - there’s a difference.”)
Build the day-of schedule as you go. In the event planning business, we start early on with a document (in our case, a spreadsheet) called the “Run of Show” (ROS). It breaks down, to the minute, what needs to happen to prepare, execute and wrap-up an event. The worst time to put together a ROS is in the weeks prior to the event - when you’re trying to piece together the details you’ve been planning for a year. The best time to put together the ROS is as you’re planning, as you remember that you need your cousin to bring that strobe light, and you need to ask a friend to pick up the donuts. This also ensures your vision for the day is documented - and someone else can execute it while you get ready for the best day of your life.
Make your gifts personal. You typically don’t get your 7 best friends the same birthday gift. They are (hopefully) very different people, with different tastes and personalities. Their gifts can be, too. Or they can be similar, but include something personalized so you recognize them as the individual that they are, who helped build you into the individual that you are. This doesn’t require a lot of money either. Your parents don’t need expensive gifts - in fact, if they’re helping you pay for the wedding, they may be skeptical of them, wondering why that money couldn’t just go towards the DJ. Hand-written notes, photos or song lyrics that capture big memories, even a t-shirt from the place your dad used to take you on daddy/daughter dates. Get people gifts that matter, even if they cost $5.
On the day of, do what calms you down. A couple of my bridesmaids were pretty frustrated with me on the day of the wedding. Not because I told them how to do their hair or what color to paint their nails - but because I was running around decorating for the reception. I finally took a deep breadth and told them, “Listen. This makes me happy. Planning and executing makes me happy and makes me feel in the zone. If I go sit in that bridal lounge and drink champagne for the next three hours I’ll be a wreck. Let me do this, it’s how I stay calm.” Yoga, running, mimosas, reading, blogging, playing a board game - whatever calms you down, and makes you feel like you’re in your best zone - do that on the morning of your wedding. And don’t worry about if other people don’t get it. Just because they wouldn’t work out on their wedding day, doesn’t mean that’s a rule that applies to you. As my husband always says, “Nothing new on game day.”