I need to have strong opinions (loosely held).
I assumed to be a good therapist you need to be like a clear shallow lake. People have to swim and exert effort to get to the other side, but they can see their feet, any dangers around them, and you show them their reflection on a calm day. I assumed we are just the space they wade through, slowing them down but keeping them upright on their path. The reality though, is that we aren’t just an environment, we are people swimming along, too. We have opinions, backgrounds, beliefs, and biases. We may believe people are driven by ego, or love, or God. We may believe people can change or people mostly stay the same. We may believe people are the product of their choices or the product of their environment. We may believe emotions, actions, or thoughts are superior. Regardless of what we believe, it’s important that we let it inform our work without letting it judge our clients. I didn’t realize that I can choose my theoretical orientation (the approach, techniques, and methods I use) based on how I view people. I didn’t expect to spend the first two semesters thinking so deeply about how I view the world and how I want that to inform my approach.
This is an art, not a science.
There is a lot of research out there on psychotherapy, from Freud’s free association to neuroscience approaches like EMDR. New scientific research continues to happen and get published. There are case studies, textbooks, and memoirs on what’s worked and hasn’t worked, but there will never be a ‘correct’ answer to, “How should I help this particular client?” In fact, the first thing about therapy is to believe in the client as the expert in their own life. What I think or want for them doesn’t necessarily matter, but I still have to be an active participant. It reminds me of those Reels going viral with couples doing a painting date night. They pass the easel back and forth, gradually adding to the painting, nudging each other toward ideas, hoping the final product can look intentional or at least beautiful.
I actually want to talk less now.
I naively thought these classes would mold me into the best podcast host ever; I’d have ALL the best questions that stump, inspire, and awe my clients into revelation. What I’ve actually found myself saying more and more in conversations is nothing at all. One class noted that “silence” is a psychotherapeutic technique and I choked on my Poppi. I’ve been filling silence with self-deprecating humor and optimism since my first word. To me, silence was just a hole to fill to knock out that row on Tetris. I won’t claim I’ve mastered silence in two semesters but I will say I’ve learned how others will fill the silence if I stop pretending I have to. I’ve learned that instead of getting my point in, I can let others keep talking and get way more out of the conversation than I would have by interjecting.
I’m interested in working with kids and the elderly.
I’ve said from the beginning that I think I want to be an Addiction Counselor and I want to work with adults. I’ve said I don’t think I could handle the emotional weight of working (or failing) with adolescents or teens. I’m rethinking that now as I learn how many adults could be adulting very differently had they had help earlier in life. I’m also learning that Older Adults (defined as ages 65+) have shown in studies to be the most receptive to therapy, and I like the idea of helping people feel good about reaching the finish line, without regretting starting the race in the first place.
I’m in class and therapy at all times.
This should have been more obvious to me but please for a moment think about the most understanding, empathetic person you’ve ever met. Maybe it was a yoga teacher, a coworker, a wise grandparent, or just that one gem of a friend. I’m in classes filled with those people and taught by those people. A professor actually replied to a group project inquiry, “Y’all can absolutely do it that way, that sounds like it’ll be easiest for y’all.” Never have I ever had a teacher consider what would be easiest for me. These professors treat us like the adulting, working, parenting, career-in-transition, eager beavers that we are and support us like a confident parent. Don’t get me wrong, every week we have 3-4 assignments due and 100-150 pages of reading with group projects and long papers for every 8-week class, but it’s never felt like us versus them. I wish all grad programs were that way, but I’ve heard from others that they aren’t. Competition and posturing just aren’t a thing among this group, everyone’s too focused on helping people.