6 Things I Learned in Grad School in 2024 that Everyone Should Know

How to read and interpret research.

I’ve read so many research papers this year. I’ve even read sassy rebuttals to research papers that are like watching an eloquent Twitter fight at a snail-mail pace. Research is fascinating, critical, and informative…but context matters. The sample size matters, the validity and reliability of the data matters, and the researchers’ notes at the end of how they think their study fell short matters. But that stuff is never published on social media or in news articles. It’s not in the two-sentence cliff notes your email newsletters send you. Understand the research limitations behind the “facts,” or at the very least, ensure you’re reading from or listening to people who do.

Professors actually like to just chat.

Despite what most people would assume about me, I was never a teacher’s pet. I’ve always been an A-student, but I was too shy to get the teacher’s attention long enough to become a pet. In college, I think I had one or two professors who would even remember my face, even though I took plenty of honors classes with tiny class sizes. I’d attend class when needed, get my grades, and GTFO. I honestly felt I was bothering or sucking up to the professors by asking questions that weren’t burning. Looking back, I think it was less about my professors and more about me; I didn’t care enough to know more about the subject matter, their careers, and their experiences. I feel very differently now. I’m proactively setting meetings with professors to learn why they became counselors and what they’ve learned since. I’ve been so pleasantly surprised at how willing they are to just chat. I realize how much I missed out on by not getting to know my educators better in undergrad. Maybe I would have actually used my finance degree instead of going into marketing, who knows?

We are paying for this degree, so we make the decisions.

I was extremely fortunate to have my parents’ help and student loans to pay for my undergraduate degree. This motivated me to finish in four years and start working. A classmate reminded me this year that grad school is very different. I chose this new career and this grad school program, and I’m paying the tuition. If I need to speed things up or slow things down to fit my professional or personal timeline, I can do that. While I don’t plan to do that now, knowing I can was a freeing realization. No one is checking to make sure I’m a licensed therapist by age 40. I set that timeline, and I can also change it.

Being a client is more draining than being a therapist.

Compassion fatigue is real. When therapists hear complicated, traumatic, and damaging stories over and over, it’s easy to feel more coldly numb than burned out. However, in going to therapy myself this year, I’d argue being a client is harder than being a therapist, and I hope to keep that perspective always. I wouldn’t pursue this career field if I didn’t believe people could change, but change is hard. And it takes relentless discussions, behavior changes, and uncomfortable introspection. Shout out to everyone in therapy who feels a little worse after each session but monumentally better after each month of sticking with it.

Your connection with a therapist matters more than their bio.

I’m not saying this as propaganda for me and my classmates, who will soon need clients to agree to take a chance on us as new therapists. This statement is backed up by tons and tons of research that says so many types of therapy and therapists are effective. The most common factor in successful treatment outcomes is the therapeutic relationship between counselor and client. The upside is that you don’t need to agonize over finding the perfect therapist with XYZ training. The downside is that you might have to go through a few counselors before finding one you vibe with. The point is that “vibing” with your therapist is the most critical factor to success in therapy. So, if you’re having a hard time finding a therapist, maybe you’re being too picky about their gender, age, certifications, etc., and you should call a couple to feel them out instead.

Not everyone needs therapy.

At least not in the traditional sense. We all need self-care, someone we can be vulnerable with, and someone to help us recognize patterns or behaviors that don’t serve us well. Therapists aren’t the only ones capable of that. Friends, siblings, parents, coworkers, spiritual leaders, pets, fitness instructors, etc., can all have therapeutic value in our lives. I love my therapist, but and some of my most significant breakthroughs this year were from discussions with friends. If therapy sounds awful, try self-help books, exercise, crafting, meditation, podcasts, girls' nights, etc., first. (No, watching recaps of these things on social media doesn’t count.) Just promise me if you still feel underwater or you still don’t feel like yourself, you’ll give traditional therapy a shot.

5 Things I Didn’t Expect About Studying to Become a Therapist

I need to have strong opinions (loosely held).

I assumed to be a good therapist you need to be like a clear shallow lake. People have to swim and exert effort to get to the other side, but they can see their feet, any dangers around them, and you show them their reflection on a calm day. I assumed we are just the space they wade through, slowing them down but keeping them upright on their path. The reality though, is that we aren’t just an environment, we are people swimming along, too. We have opinions, backgrounds, beliefs, and biases. We may believe people are driven by ego, or love, or God. We may believe people can change or people mostly stay the same. We may believe people are the product of their choices or the product of their environment. We may believe emotions, actions, or thoughts are superior. Regardless of what we believe, it’s important that we let it inform our work without letting it judge our clients. I didn’t realize that I can choose my theoretical orientation (the approach, techniques, and methods I use) based on how I view people. I didn’t expect to spend the first two semesters thinking so deeply about how I view the world and how I want that to inform my approach.  

This is an art, not a science. 

There is a lot of research out there on psychotherapy, from Freud’s free association to neuroscience approaches like EMDR. New scientific research continues to happen and get published. There are case studies, textbooks, and memoirs on what’s worked and hasn’t worked, but there will never be a ‘correct’ answer to, “How should I help this particular client?” In fact, the first thing about therapy is to believe in the client as the expert in their own life. What I think or want for them doesn’t necessarily matter, but I still have to be an active participant. It reminds me of those Reels going viral with couples doing a painting date night. They pass the easel back and forth, gradually adding to the painting, nudging each other toward ideas, hoping the final product can look intentional or at least beautiful.

I actually want to talk less now.

I naively thought these classes would mold me into the best podcast host ever; I’d have ALL the best questions that stump, inspire, and awe my clients into revelation. What I’ve actually found myself saying more and more in conversations is nothing at all. One class noted that “silence” is a psychotherapeutic technique and I choked on my Poppi. I’ve been filling silence with self-deprecating humor and optimism since my first word. To me, silence was just a hole to fill to knock out that row on Tetris. I won’t claim I’ve mastered silence in two semesters but I will say I’ve learned how others will fill the silence if I stop pretending I have to. I’ve learned that instead of getting my point in, I can let others keep talking and get way more out of the conversation than I would have by interjecting.

I’m interested in working with kids and the elderly.

I’ve said from the beginning that I think I want to be an Addiction Counselor and I want to work with adults. I’ve said I don’t think I could handle the emotional weight of working (or failing) with adolescents or teens. I’m rethinking that now as I learn how many adults could be adulting very differently had they had help earlier in life. I’m also learning that Older Adults (defined as ages 65+) have shown in studies to be the most receptive to therapy, and I like the idea of helping people feel good about reaching the finish line, without regretting starting the race in the first place. 

I’m in class and therapy at all times.

This should have been more obvious to me but please for a moment think about the most understanding, empathetic person you’ve ever met. Maybe it was a yoga teacher, a coworker, a wise grandparent, or just that one gem of a friend. I’m in classes filled with those people and taught by those people. A professor actually replied to a group project inquiry, “Y’all can absolutely do it that way, that sounds like it’ll be easiest for y’all.” Never have I ever had a teacher consider what would be easiest for me. These professors treat us like the adulting, working, parenting, career-in-transition, eager beavers that we are and support us like a confident parent. Don’t get me wrong, every week we have 3-4 assignments due and 100-150 pages of reading with group projects and long papers for every 8-week class, but it’s never felt like us versus them. I wish all grad programs were that way, but I’ve heard from others that they aren’t. Competition and posturing just aren’t a thing among this group, everyone’s too focused on helping people.