How to read and interpret research.
I’ve read so many research papers this year. I’ve even read sassy rebuttals to research papers that are like watching an eloquent Twitter fight at a snail-mail pace. Research is fascinating, critical, and informative…but context matters. The sample size matters, the validity and reliability of the data matters, and the researchers’ notes at the end of how they think their study fell short matters. But that stuff is never published on social media or in news articles. It’s not in the two-sentence cliff notes your email newsletters send you. Understand the research limitations behind the “facts,” or at the very least, ensure you’re reading from or listening to people who do.
Professors actually like to just chat.
Despite what most people would assume about me, I was never a teacher’s pet. I’ve always been an A-student, but I was too shy to get the teacher’s attention long enough to become a pet. In college, I think I had one or two professors who would even remember my face, even though I took plenty of honors classes with tiny class sizes. I’d attend class when needed, get my grades, and GTFO. I honestly felt I was bothering or sucking up to the professors by asking questions that weren’t burning. Looking back, I think it was less about my professors and more about me; I didn’t care enough to know more about the subject matter, their careers, and their experiences. I feel very differently now. I’m proactively setting meetings with professors to learn why they became counselors and what they’ve learned since. I’ve been so pleasantly surprised at how willing they are to just chat. I realize how much I missed out on by not getting to know my educators better in undergrad. Maybe I would have actually used my finance degree instead of going into marketing, who knows?
We are paying for this degree, so we make the decisions.
I was extremely fortunate to have my parents’ help and student loans to pay for my undergraduate degree. This motivated me to finish in four years and start working. A classmate reminded me this year that grad school is very different. I chose this new career and this grad school program, and I’m paying the tuition. If I need to speed things up or slow things down to fit my professional or personal timeline, I can do that. While I don’t plan to do that now, knowing I can was a freeing realization. No one is checking to make sure I’m a licensed therapist by age 40. I set that timeline, and I can also change it.
Being a client is more draining than being a therapist.
Compassion fatigue is real. When therapists hear complicated, traumatic, and damaging stories over and over, it’s easy to feel more coldly numb than burned out. However, in going to therapy myself this year, I’d argue being a client is harder than being a therapist, and I hope to keep that perspective always. I wouldn’t pursue this career field if I didn’t believe people could change, but change is hard. And it takes relentless discussions, behavior changes, and uncomfortable introspection. Shout out to everyone in therapy who feels a little worse after each session but monumentally better after each month of sticking with it.
Your connection with a therapist matters more than their bio.
I’m not saying this as propaganda for me and my classmates, who will soon need clients to agree to take a chance on us as new therapists. This statement is backed up by tons and tons of research that says so many types of therapy and therapists are effective. The most common factor in successful treatment outcomes is the therapeutic relationship between counselor and client. The upside is that you don’t need to agonize over finding the perfect therapist with XYZ training. The downside is that you might have to go through a few counselors before finding one you vibe with. The point is that “vibing” with your therapist is the most critical factor to success in therapy. So, if you’re having a hard time finding a therapist, maybe you’re being too picky about their gender, age, certifications, etc., and you should call a couple to feel them out instead.
Not everyone needs therapy.
At least not in the traditional sense. We all need self-care, someone we can be vulnerable with, and someone to help us recognize patterns or behaviors that don’t serve us well. Therapists aren’t the only ones capable of that. Friends, siblings, parents, coworkers, spiritual leaders, pets, fitness instructors, etc., can all have therapeutic value in our lives. I love my therapist, but and some of my most significant breakthroughs this year were from discussions with friends. If therapy sounds awful, try self-help books, exercise, crafting, meditation, podcasts, girls' nights, etc., first. (No, watching recaps of these things on social media doesn’t count.) Just promise me if you still feel underwater or you still don’t feel like yourself, you’ll give traditional therapy a shot.