Thanks to weather, frighteningly vague "mechanical errors," missing pilots and, most recently, a guy being wheeled off the plane with zip ties around his wrists, I have not gone on a trip that did not involve flight delays in at least six months. It's gotten to the point that I apologize to fellow passengers in the waiting area, letting them know that if they are on my flight, there's no way we'll get there on time. I've spent more time than I care to recount in the Austin, Toronto, Denver, and Phoenix airports, to name a few. For the sake of my liver, bank account, and whoever is picking me up at my destination, I've gotten pretty good at passing the time without posting up at the nearest bar. Thought I'd share some of my favorite ways to waste time while you're waiting for the airlines to figure their shit out, find your bags, or find their pilot.
1) Think of how much money you would have spent on bloody mary's and fried pickles - then go spend half of that in the gift shop. Get something for the first person you'll see when you get off the plane. Or buy a bunch of post cards (and stamps!), write on them and mail them to those family members you never see enough.
2) Spend some time on The Interwebz reading about the airport you're in. You could learn that the Denver Airport might have been built by a secret society to save the human race when Trump announces that the next season of The Apprentice will be starring his entire Cabinet.
3) Watch the Movies with Mikey review for every movie you've seen, starting with this one.
4) If you're just starting your trip, make a list of five things that will make the trip successful.
5) If you're on your way home, review your list of five things so you can make a better list next time. Know that donuts and bars with giant jenga will override at least some of your plans, always.
6) Download a book on Audible because you always tell yourself you're going to read when you travel and having someone read to you isn't cheating. It's efficient. And much more entertaining if it's Aziz Ansari reading Modern Romance.
7) Put on some Dustin O'Halloran to give yourself a soundtrack while you clean out the puppy gifs, Crossfit memes, and cringy conversation screenshots in your Photos app. Send half of them to at least one more person before deleting though.
8) Call your grandma, you heathen.
9) Sit at the bar, order a Topo Chico like the secret hipster that you are, and just listen to everyone else getting hammered, recapping their trips, or calling their grandma. If you don't get some good social media post/blog topics out of it you're doing something wrong. (Fine, so this one involves drinking, but indirectly so you're good.)